he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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