I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
