he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
