1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
