Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Come on in and take your pants off
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