oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
