Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
