I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
