I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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