i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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