I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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