im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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