I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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