dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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