i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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