She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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