Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What a dumb baby whore.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
