Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize