mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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