last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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