my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
