I like my sex mixed with concussions.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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