I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
