mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
