Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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