After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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