Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
