Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
