Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
