I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
