You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He better not be in your backpack
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
