if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
