I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
