I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
