I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
