I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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