He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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