I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
