I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
