he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
