Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize