i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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