He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
