I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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