My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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