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i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
