Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
