So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
