I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
