Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
