dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
