dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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