Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize