She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You are a genius and a whore.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
