Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
