Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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