come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
