Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
