I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
