Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You work out of a Hotel?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
