There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
