dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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