i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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