If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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