So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
