So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
