If that was your dad, he is hot
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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