they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
