sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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