I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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