Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
