If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
