Umm I'm too high to move.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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