You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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