i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize