I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
