just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
