I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
