I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
