two words: eviction party
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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