i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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