I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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