Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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