They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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