I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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