Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
