At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
