i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
