I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my liver is dry heaving
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