Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
