I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
