What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
