My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
we're so committed to being not committed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
