And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
