Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
