Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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