i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
