Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize