I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
