So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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