a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
