Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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