grandma shit on top of the toilet
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
